The beginning of the healing journey, at least for me, started with a desire to feel better, do better, and live better. There was a point in my life experience where I was ready for a change. I was tired of my self-destructive behaviors. I was tired of working so hard for a goal only to do something to jeopardize my efforts. But what I discovered along my healing journey is that in order to change for the better, I had to first accept where I was. I had to accept who I am, flaws and all. I couldn’t create a different experience while also pushing against the current one. As it has been said before, resistance only creates more resistance. My sister once told me, “You can’t hate yourself into loving yourself.” I had to learn to love myself before I could even begin to think about being better. Again, what you resist persists. We must first accept where we are now. Only then can we begin to make the desired changes.
Think about it. Let’s say for example you are trying to improve your diet. You’ve identified that your health is not where you would like it to be and the majority of the food you’ve been consuming has been unhealthy. If you choose to get upset with yourself every time you slip up and eat a bag of chips, now you’re more focused on your frustration and beating yourself up. This can be a downward spiral causing you to eventually give up on your goal. What’s the point anyway? You’ll just mess up again. But if you decide to accept where you are and give yourself some grace, now you have the calm and peace of mind to come up with a better strategy to prevent a similar slip-up in the future. Not to mention you also feel better about yourself. After all, this is a process of learning. You wouldn’t be so harsh to a child who falls down while learning to walk, would you?
So, how do you accept something you don’t want to accept? How can you show up for yourself with love and compassion? I think one thing that can help is to look for and make a list of positive aspects of your current circumstance, and most importantly positive aspects of yourself. Another tool would be a gratitude journal. Once we start to look for things to be grateful for, we begin to realize that we are far more blessed than we gave ourselves credit for. Therapy has also really helped me with self-love, self-compassion, and self-acceptance. My therapist has helped me gain perspective, reframe my thoughts, and learn new skills to more effectively manage negative emotions. Another way to find acceptance is to forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for your mistakes, your shortcomings, and for not showing up for yourself in the past. Forgive yourself for not being where you want to be. Forgive yourself for not being perfect, none of us are. Mindfulness and meditation can also help with finding acceptance in your life. Another good tool would be to stop comparing yourself to others. We are all unique expressions of Divine love and light. We have lived different experiences and our life experiences represent that. It is neither productive nor useful to compare our life experiences to someone else’s.
Acceptance can help bring peace and joy into our lives. When we have compassion for where we are, and accept ourselves for who we are, we make space for growth and expansion. As you begin to find acceptance for your life, remember to be kind to yourself. It’s okay to experience negative emotions along the way. Don’t beat yourself up for how you feel. Through loving and accepting ourselves, we begin to manifest happiness in our lives.